Thursday, February 27, 2014

A Warm Thought for a Cold Winter

It has been absolutely frigid out these past couple of days.  I mean,  holy moly kiddo, this weather seriously hurts!  I wear contacts most of the time and I hate this weather because, when I go outside, I immediately start to leak from all of the holes in my face.  This is the process:

1) My contacts get dried out by the wind which causes my eyes to water.

2) My eyes over-compensate and tears roll down my face and promptly freeze on my cheeks.  This both ruins my make up and hurts to wipe/rip off.

3) Because my eyes are over-compensating and because of the cursed (with 2 syllables for emphasis) existence of the nasolacrimal duct, my nose starts running and I have this watered-down version of snot all over my upper lip.

4) Because it's below freezing, even my watered-down snot freezes and breaks off my nose hairs inside my nostrils causing pain and more pain.

5) I can't breathe through my nose so I breathe through my mouth.

6) The dry air I'm breathing through my mouth dries out my mouth, my throat, and my lungs.

7) To compensate for this dryness in my upper respiratory tract, I start salivating and forming extra mucus which admittedly does coat my throat and lungs and protects it but also makes it much harder to breathe and now I'm coughing and spitting every couple of minutes.

In short, this winter is making me a gross, liquid-y mess.  Thank goodness I really, really, really love anatomy and physiology or I would be miserable...well. More miserable than I already am.

But clearly I digress.  An in-depth discussion of my awkward grossness on my morning trek to class does not, I should think, classify as a "warm thought" to anyone. Ever.  SO!  I present to you for your intellectual pleasure this evening, a fun thought experiment.


You may have heard of it before.  It is a delightful little thought experiment involving infinite probabilities (a quite popular phrase now that The Fault in Our Stars is coming out) and monkeys and typewriters.  The thought experiment goes that, given an infinite amount of monkeys were pressing truly random keys on an infinite amount of typewriters for an infinite amount of time, the monkeys will "almost surely" produce the complete works of Shakespeare.

Think about it.  Think about what you're reading right now.  These markings have no significant meaning except for what we ascribe them.  I could easily type gibberish (asd fapowieghap aejpora qhpaig) but of course you wouldn't understand that because we haven't assigned those gibberish "words" any meaning.  But look inside of the gibberish I typed and you can see actual words with actual meaning that I typed merely through probable chance.  I typed "as" and "fap" and "pow" and "ow" and "hap" and "por" (which admittedly is Spanish, but you take my point). Given an infinite amount of time, math concludes that I would eventually randomly type letters into an order that is the exact same as Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

I personally am a huge fan of thought experiments.  If you enjoyed this brief introduction to them, I highly suggest you go searching for more.  To aid you in your quest, however, I have linked to a site that lists their top 10 favorite thought experiments here.

Stay warm!


Wednesday, February 12, 2014

An Introvert's Guide to Being Extroverted

According to Myers-Briggs, StrengthsFinder, VisualDNA, and Quizilla, I am an introvert.  The classic response to this is, "So, you don't like people?" to which I reply, "Um....".

There really is no correct response to that question.  Sometimes, I crave human interaction, conversation, intellection, and other times I would rather be by myself, eat a bowl of cookie dough ice cream, and read a book or watch a movie or write rant-y blog posts.  So I've dedicated time to finding out what a true introvert is.  Stereotypically, you are an introvert if you make up excuses to not hang out with people, if you'd rather have a good Friday night in, or if you prefer green over purple.

But so far, the best definition of introversion and extroversion I've found was from my own parents.  They say, "The only real difference between introverts and extroverts is their chosen method of recovery.  At the end of a long day, extroverts are more likely to restore their energy by hanging out with a group of people.  Introverts are more likely to recover by spending their time by themselves."  And to be honest, I like this definition.  I love my friends, my family, and even social situations that require grace, skill, and intellect to navigate.  But at the end of the day, I want to be alone to internalize, process, and reflect.

But I am in college and I live in my sorority house with 14 other women, not to mention my other sisters who can drop by any time between about 7 am and midnight (1 am on weekends), and as much as I love them, I am often frustrated that I don't get as much alone time as I'd like.  Which brings me back to my original purpose: how to appear extroverted when you haven't had time to fully recover.

Never fear! Over-involved Sara is here!  In a few easy steps, I will help your exhausted, introverted self fight your way minute by minute, day by day, through the drudgery of social and professional interaction until you can finally find some quality recovery time.

1) Drink caffeine.  Lots of caffeine.

-- Caffeine is basically the legal version of adderall.  It's kind of bad for you, but it will give you the energy you need to focus on the task at hand.  The trick to using caffeine effectively is to start small.  Get used to tea before you graduate to coffee.  Dr. Pepper before Mountain Dew.  Red bull before Monster.  This way, you will still be affected by the caffeine and you won't build up a high tolerance too early in the game.  Drink Responsibly.

2) Prepare for battle.
--Insert bizarre warrior metaphor here.  Ladies, take 10 minutes before you leave and put on your war paint...I mean, make-up.  That foundation lays the foundation of your day: smooth, resistant, enduring.  Your cover-up?  Camouflage in the jungle that is the office, classroom, etc. Mascara and/or eyeliner brightens your eyes so that you can effortlessly pretend to be paying attention to someone.  Gentleman, your tie and blazer are your shining breast plate and chain mail.  Make sure they're clean and unwrinkled and then your polished look will reflect the light of authority into the eyes of the competition, giving you the advantage.

3) Write things down.
-- Seems simple enough.  When you write down what others are saying, you instantly appear reflective and introspective.  This will also show your intellectual side for any potential romantic interests nearby.

4) Ask open-ended questions.
-- These types of questions require long, extensive answers.  Even if you don't necessarily want to listen, you can at least avoid putting any actual effort into the conversation.  Examples include: "What do you plan to do immediately following graduation?", "What sites to you expect to see on vacation?", "What makes the leaves change color?", and my personal favorite, "Why is it that, every time I talk to you, you seem irritated?"
BONUS: Try incorporating noncommittal words and phrases to draw out their answer.  These are, "Really?", "Is that so?", "Why is that?", and "I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention.  What did you say?"

5) Pre-plan your escape routes.
-- When you first walk into a room, what do you do?  Do you notice all the people there and freak out? No! That'd be stupid.  You find all the ways out of the room, notice where the clumps of chairs and tables are that you'll have to navigate around, look for the mail cart in the hall and map its route so that you can avoid it to minimize your escape time.  You never know when someone will want to engage you in meaningful conversation and you'll have to whip out the "I have diarrhea" card and speed walk out of there.

6) Carry around snacks to share.
--They can't talk if they've got their mouths full.  Plus, it's an easy way to earn brownie points with your friends or colleagues. (Get it? Brownie points?  As in brownies? I'm so funny.)

7) When possible, avoid eye contact.
-- Eye contact establishes a connection with another person.  No eye contact. No connection.  Easily accomplished if you're "too busy" to establish eye contact by writing things down.  See #3.

8) Construct, edit, and practice your sentences in your head.
-- This will help ensure that you can fit all of your points into one concise moment of speech, saving you from the effort of having to explain or elaborate later.  The only downside to this is that sometimes a discussion will move quickly from point to point and so just when you've finally got down what you want to say, the group will have moved on to a completely different point and you've missed your chance.

9) Say "yes" to say "no".
-- By this, I mean commit yourself to projects and activities that you are passionate about so that you can fill your time enough to justify you saying no to going to your co-worker's boyfriend's dog's birthday party on Friday night.  Unless there's cake, in which case it's up to you.
  (Side note: You should always make time for cake.  It was there for you when your ex broke up with you, when you graduated,when your grandma died, and when your best friend got married.  You owe it big time.)


10) Say "No".
-- In all seriousness, social and professional interactions are exhausting.  Instead of making jokes or excuses, sometimes you just need to say, "I'm sorry.  I'm really tired.  I just need to decompress by myself for a little while".  And if your friends are your friends, they'll understand.  If your boss or co-workers value you, they'll understand.  I am a firm believer in one's obligation to complete a task they said they'd do and I hold myself to that same standard.  But if I need some help or a deadline extension, I am not ashamed to ask.  Then I finish whatever project I started and I say "no" to the next few until I feel like I've recovered enough to tackle the next challenge.  And that's perfectly fine.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The Friendzoner vs The Nice Guy - Imgur

A very funny comic that accurately articulates my view on the dreaded "Friend-Zone".  Feminist and funny.  Not mutually exclusive. ;) Enjoy!



The Friendzoner vs The Nice Guy - Imgur

Monday, January 27, 2014

Back from Ecuador...and I neglected to post. That's my bad.

So. I'm back from Ecuador....and I forgot to post.  In my defense, the internet is really spotty in the Galapagos.  So, I leave you an odd assortment of pictures for you to make your own story out of and I apologize on behalf of Blogger's inability to create a photo gallery, so the post is really looooooooooooooong.
Much love,
Sara































Sunday, January 12, 2014

Estoy en Ecuador!!!

Hello from Quito!  While the entire United States is engulfed in a polar vortex (dude. That doesn't even sound good), I'm blissfully enjoying a typical daily temp of 70 F, sometimes cloudy or raining, but beautiful none-the-less.  I get to see mountains upon mountains that seem to rise up from no where and I have met so many people, indigenous, mestizo, Afro-Ecuadorians. So many.

I love my host sister's friends.  Parts of Quito can be a little etch-a-sketch (yes? no? I appreciate feedback when trying out new words or phrases.) but the environment that she and her friends create is one of comfort, safety, and a helluva lot of fun.  It probably doesn't hurt that they all speak English (in fact, one of her friends was a guy who moved to Ecuador from Indiana to teach.  How amazing is that?!) and can translate for me when my meager Spanish, mostly forgotten in the 3 years I've been absent from it, fails me.

I also love my host family, of course.  My mom speaks no English what-so-ever, so communicating is sometimes hard.  I love the challenge, though.  And my host sister is simply gorgeous.  So far, I don't have any good pictures of us, but maybe I'll get one up soon. :)

I'm also staying with a girl from my program.  Her name is Faith and she speaks Punjabi and Hindu fluently.  Her Spanish, however, is a little rusty.  Enter my..."talents", for lack of better word, as a translator.  Clearly, I chose the right career path in biology and literature.  Languages are hard!

Anyway, I hope to update this blog a little bit more often, now that I'm actually doing stuff and not just waiting around for the next news article to rub me the wrong way. Expect maybe 3 or 4 posts this January. On Wednesday, I'm headed to the Galapagos Island! Super psyched!

The view from my window. Que bonita!

One last thing of note: I'm here with a class from my school doing a January term (basically 3 weeks of intensive classes...for those who don't get to travel!!!!), and part of our grade is a collaborative blog.  You can follow our class blog at andestoislands.com.

Friday, December 20, 2013

WHOOOOOO IS THAT GIIIIRRLLL I SEE?!

My Mulan transformation except that instead of going from beautiful to society's warped idea of a perfect bride, I go from "What is that thing?!" to "huh. She looks kinda nice today." Another way in which I am deficient is that I do not have a sword. Or a horse. Or a talking dragon with Eddie Murphy's voice.

Monday, December 2, 2013

The Literary Equivalent of Dick Pics

Sometimes inspiration hits you, full in the face, while you're sitting on the cold toilet seat of a library bathroom, interrupting the thoughts of actually starting your essay as soon as you finish peeing, washing your hands, reapplying concealer, getting a drink, answering your emails, checking your Facebook, and then finding the right motivational song to type along with the rhythm to.

Sometimes inspiration hits you but doesn't really hit you like a sort of love tap that you may or may not choose to ignore depending on how engaged you are in the current stream of cat videos and pug gifs.

And sometimes inspiration hits you by completely missing you and tackling your friend in a fit of giggles and enlightenment as she starts babbling incoherently about something that you are sure would be genius if only she would stop interrupting herself mid-sentence.

Inspiration has never, however, hit me as I scrolled through pictures of coffee, selfies, and memes.
Oh alright, maybe some of the memes some of the time actually cause me to think critically about my situation, but let's be honest with ourselves: Bad Luck Brian's latest catastrophe with sexual innuendos and his teachers does not exactly illuminate any light bulbs.

Imagery and icons have become so commonplace in modern social commentary that, sometimes, I wonder if people forget how powerful the spoken and written word is.  I wonder how relevant the saints and founders of critical, classic literature are in a society so consumed by the fleetingness of time measured in Facebook statuses and Tweets, in Instagram uploads and SnapChats.

Oh sure, we writers have our equivalent of blurry nudes, pictures of pancakes followed by pictures of falling down a flight of stairs because of a preoccupation of taking pictures of pancakes, and the endless reels of scenery that one takes on a vacation because there is nothing more interesting than this mountain that I can't remember the name of but look how pretty the sun is coming up over it and it was so much prettier when I was there, honest.  But most of those writers usually have blogs that no one reads (...ouch!...) or don't do well in sales (now you understand the use of the world usually.  Twilight is one of the exceptions to the rules.  There! I came out and said it! Twilight is bad writing!!!).  Either way, it is much harder for a bad writer to get publicity, views, likes, comments, etc than it is for a girl with an iPhone, no sense of privacy, and an Instagram account.

I'm getting to a point here. Bear with me.

This makes the recognition of current and future literary genius important and the introduction of brilliant writing into the mass media crucial.  The problem, however, is that a lot of brilliant writing is written by ivory towerists, that is, people who use big and fancy and scary words, schemes, tropes, forms, tones, and the like that make their work so very much high art that regular people like us are afraid we can't understand.  So how do we solve this problem? You're in luck! I happen to very good at meddling until things are solved one way or another!

The first step is adult literacy.  The United States, as a nation, is pretty good at making sure that children who are citizens have access and means to start learning how to read.  These programs can always be expanded upon, increased, made to do better, but we've got a pretty good start.  Where we are lacking, however, is adult literacy.  To the many immigrants who come here, completely unable to read in their own language, much less in ours, there are few opportunities for them to become fluent in reading and writing in their own language, much less in ours

 Do you see the problem?

If the United States can't take the time to teach people how to read and write in the language that they speak perfectly, who are we to expect that they should read and write in a language that they can barely speak at all?  And what about citizens, yes citizens of the good old US of A, who were denied schooling, who had to drop out of school, who didn't and don't have access to a decent school system?  I'm thinking specifically about rural areas, where there literally isn't a school for miles around and young children have to board in a house two, three, four hours from home just to go to elementary school (I'm looking at you, South Dakota.). And it was only a few decades ago when black children were shuffled through a school system that didn't care enough about them to make sure that they stayed in school and learned how to read and write coherently, not to mention instill them with  basic critical thinking skills.

And if the United States, whom we seem to think is a world power, is struggling to promote literacy at the adult level, then how are other countries doing in comparison?  Well, thanks to worldmapper.org, we can see visually.  Eastern Asia is doing remarkably well at making sure that the largest percentage of their population is literate, China and India both ranking highly.  Awesomely enough, Eastern Europe is also doing well, many of their countries in or above the 90th percentile of adult literacy.  The United States is not doing as badly as I made it sound.  We've got a solid 91% of our adult population literate (not that they're all necessarily thinking critically, but that's a whole other rant.)  And, as you'd expect, the developing countries in Africa and South and Central America are in the upper 50/lower 60 percents of their population being literate.



Literacy is just the start.  Once we get people to start reading, we can focus on getting them to start reading the good stuff.  Here, I will kindly refrain myself from going all English major on you, talking about grand poetry and obscure meanings.  No.  I don't believe that deep introspective analysis is necessary for people to enjoy good literature, just as the entire world does not need understand the meaning behind Da Vinci's muse in order to enjoy the Mona Lisa.  I believe that good literature should be integrated at an early age, and steadily increased the older one gets.  People should be quoting love from John Greene's The Fault in Our Stars on Facebook, tweeting inspiration from The Heart and the Fist by Eric Greitens, Instagramming the cover of Truancy by Isamu Fukui, blogging the brilliant imagery in the poems by the mad William Blake.  I'm sure you recognize "Tiger, Tiger burning bright/In the forests of the night/What immortal hand or eye/Could frame thy fearful symmetry?" Thankfully, "The Mentalist", an American TV show, used that part of "The Tiger" in one of it's shows which may have tricked several curious observers into classic, romance era poetry without their knowledge.

None of the authors, besides William Blake, are "old school" classic.  John Greene is co-owner of the Vlog Brothers YouTube franchise.  Eric Greitens was a Navy SEAL in Afghanistan and Iraq.   Isamu Fukui is a student at New York University in New York City.  These are contemporary greats who have made books that stunned their respective audiences.  The written word is not dead.  But sometimes, we get so caught up in our selfies (Oxford, I am particularly unhappy with you) and our "filters" that we forget that words can paint a prettier picture in our minds than we will ever be able to see with our eyes.  Our minds can imagine so much beyond what the eye can see and words are the trigger to unleash that imagination.

So next time you're sitting on the toilet, don't pull up iFunny or imgur.  Look up Tennyson or Byron or hell, even Dr. Seuss was brilliant in his own way.  A complete nutter, but there was satirical genius in his books that exceeds the understanding of childish minds and you, as an adult, might better appreciate its layers.  Because progress comes from goals and goals come from dreams and dreams come from inspiration and inspiration...can hit you anywhere.