What's your number?

What's your number? How many more mass shootings until we decide "Hey, maybe it's time to sacrifice some of our privileges (and yes, it is a privilege to be able to afford a semi- or full automatic weapon or high capacity magazine) for others to continue to exercise their right to live?"

For me, this is 191 too many.

Columbine High School.
Heritage High School.
Deming Middle School.
Fort Gibson Middle School.
Buell Elementary School.
Lake Worth Middle School.
University of Arkansas.
Junipero Serra High School.
Santana High School.
Bishop Neumann High School.
Pacific Lutheran University.
Granite Hills High School.
Lew Wallace High School.
Martin Luther King, Jr. High School.
Appalachian School of Law.
Washington High School.
Conception Abbey.
Benjamin Tasker Middle School.
University of Arizona.
Lincoln High School.
John McDonogh High School.
Red Lion Area Junior High School.
Case Western Reserve University.
Rocori High School.
Ballou High School.
Randallstown High School.
Bowen High School.
Red Lake Senior High School.
Harlan Community Academy High School. Campbell County High School.
Milwee Middle School.
Roseburg High School.
Pine Middle School.
Essex Elementary School.
Duquesne University.
Platte Canyon High School.
Weston High School.
West Nickel Mines School.
Joplin Memorial Middle School.
Henry Foss High School.
Compton Centennial High School.
Virginia Tech.
Success Tech Academy.
Miami Carol City Senior High School.
Hamilton High School.
Louisiana Technical College.
Mitchell High School.
E.O. Green Junior High School.
Northern Illinois University.
Lakota Middle School.
Knoxville Central High School.
Willoughby South High School.
Henry Ford High School.
University of Central Arkansas.
Dillard High School.
Dunbar High School.
Hampton University.
Harvard College.
Larose-Cut Off Middle School.
International Studies Academy.
Skyline College.
Discovery Middle School.
University of Alabama.
DeKalb School.
Deer Creek Middle School.
Ohio State University.
Mumford High School.
University of Texas.
Kelly Elementary School.
Marinette High School.
Aurora Central High School.
Millard South High School.
Martinsville West Middle School.
Worthing High School.
Highlands Intermediate School.
Cape Fear High School.
Chardon High School.
Episcopal School of Jacksonville.
Oikos University, Hamilton High School.
Perry Hall School.
Normal Community High School.
University of South Alabama.
Banner Academy South.
University of Southern California.
Sandy Hook Elementary School.
Apostolic Revival Center Christian School.
Taft Union High School.
Osborn High School.
Stevens Institute of Business and Arts.
Hazard Community and Technical College.
Chicago State University.
Lone Star College-North.
Cesar Chavez High School.
Price Middle School.
University of Central Florida.
New River Community College.
Grambling State University.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
Ossie Ware Mitchell Middle School.
Ronald E. McNair Discovery Academy.
North Panola High School.
Carver High School.
Gape Christian Academy.
Sparks Middle School.
North Carolina A&T State University.
Stephenson High School.
Brashear High School.
West Orange High School.
Arapahoe High School.
Edison High School.
Liberty Technology Magnet High School.
Hillhouse High School.
Berrendo Middle School.
Purdue University.
South Carolina State University.
Los Angeles Valley College.
Charles F. Brush High School.
University of Southern California.
Georgia Regents University.
Academy of Knowledge Preschool.
Benjamin Banneker High School.
D. H. Conley High School.
East English Village Preparatory Academy.
Paine College.
Georgia Gwinnett College.
John F. Kennedy High School.
Seattle Pacific University.
Reynolds High School.
Miami Alternative School.
Indiana State University.
Albemarle High School.
Fern Creek Traditional High School.
Langston Hughes High School.
Marysville Pilchuck High School.
Florida State University.
Miami Carol City High School.
Rogers State University.
Rosemary Anderson High School.
Wisconsin Lutheran High School.
Frederick High School.
Tenaya Middle School.
Bethune-Cookman University.
Pershing Elementary School.
Wayne Community College.
J.B. Martin Middle School.
Southwestern Classical Academy.
Savannah State University.
Harrisburg High School.
Umpqua Community College.
Northern Arizona University.
Texas Southern University.
Tennessee State University.
Winston-Salem State University.
Mojave High School.
Lawrence Central High School.
Franklin High School.
Muskegon Heights High School.
Independence High School.
Madison High School.
Antigo High School.
University of California-Los Angeles.
Jeremiah Burke High School.
Alpine High School.
Townville Elementary School.
Vigor High School.
Linden McKinley STEM Academy.
June Jordan High School for Equity.
Union Middle School.
Mueller Park Junior High School.
West Liberty-Salem High School.
University of Washington.
King City High School.
North Park Elementary School.
North Lake College.
Freeman High School.
Mattoon High School.
Rancho Tehama Elementary School.
Aztec High School.
Wake Forest University.
Italy High School.
NET Charter High School.
Marshall County High School.
Sal Castro Middle School.
Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School
Great Mills High School
Central Michigan University
Huffman High School
Frederick Douglass High School
Forest High School
Highland High School
Dixon High School
Santa Fe High School

Call local businesses that sell firearms and ammunition.
Call city councilors, state senators or representatives, mayors, governors, and attorney generals.
Call your congressional representatives.

This matters. You matter. Why are you waiting? You can stop this.

Songs of Me - as of 2015

I recently went through my message drafts and found songs that I've been collecting since the late '00s as songs that resonated with me or described me in some way.  As it's currently trending, I figured I'd reveal the list (unedited) to share with my readers the songs that have shaped me into the strong, adventurous, and definitely weird woman that I am today. 

Music has always been an incredible influence in my life. The last update was from 2015, but I still listen to many of these songs to remind me of where I came from, where I've gone, and what I have to look forward to.

And so, without further ado, my list:

1. Radio Ballet--Eluvium
2. New Soul--Yael Naim
3. Hail--Imagine This (Aaron Lazar)
4. Dance of the Manatee--Fair to Midland
5. Hero of War--Rise Against
6. When Catholic Girls Go Camping, The Nicotine Vampires Rule Supreme--Giraffes? Giraffes!
7. Blackbirds-- Erin McKeown
8. Anywhere-- Evanescence
9. Too Late To Apologize (A Declaration)
10. Just Another Boyband--The Midnight Beast
11. Landlocked Blues-- Bright Eyes
12. The Cave-- Mumford & Sons
13. Explosion Medley-- Sam Tsui
14. Handlebars-- Flobots
15. Buroughs of the Ocean-- The Sleeping
16. Ohio is for Lovers-- Hawthorne Heights
17. Flower Duet-- Lakme
18. Sweet Home Alabama-- Lynyrd Skynyrd
19. Song of the South-- Alabama
20. Devil Went Down to Georgia-- Charlie Daniels Band
21. Chicken Fried-- Zac Brown Band
22. Alcohol-- Brad Paisley
23. Gunpowder and Lead-- Miranda Lambert
24. John Wayne-- Sons of Sylvia
25. Somethin' Bout Love-- David Archuleta
26. Kryptonite-- 3 Doors Down
27. New Slang-- The Shins
28. Sweet Serendipity-- Lee Dewyze
29. Keep Your Head Up-- Andy Grammer
30. If I Die Young-- The Band Perry
31. Hero/Heroine-- Boys Like Girls
32. Pray-- Justin Bieber
33. Ghost-- Fefe Dobson
34. Dignity-- New Politics
35. For the First Time-- The Script
36. The Writer-- Ellie Goulding
37. Every Breath--Boyce Avenue
38. Guardian Stones-- Fairyland
39. Loving You Tonight-- Andrew Allen
40. Wavin' Flag-- K'naan
41. One Day-- Matisyahu
42. Happily Every After-- He is We
43. Everybody Knows-- John Legend
44. If You're Out There-- Cover by Aaron Zart (John Legend)
45. Hannah-- Freelance Whales
46. Only Girl (Cover)-- Mike Tompkins
47. I Don't Know-- Lisa Hannigan
48. Zombie-- The Cranberries
49. Springtime-- Erland and the Carnival
50. Livin' In the Jungle-- Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears
51. Unbeautiful-- Lesley Roy
52. Left 4 Dead-- Papercut Massacre
53. Save the World-- Swedish House Mafia
54. Skinny Genes-- Eliza Doolittle
55. Gorgeous Nightmare-- Escape the Fate
56. Unbreakable-- Fireflight
57. Black and Gold-- Sam Sparro
58. The Last Time-- All That Remains
59. Skinny Love-- Birdy
60. What the Water Gave Me-- Florence and the Machine
61. Sun of a Gun-- Oh Land
62. Keep Breathing-- Ingrid Michaelson
63. Rock & Roll-- Eric Hutchinson
64. The Blower's Daughter-- Damien Rice
65. The Call-- Matt Kennon
66. Jump in the Line-- Harry Belfonte
67. Every Tear is a Waterfall-- Coldplay
68. In Your Arms-- Kina Grannis
69. Coda-- Chris Bathgate
70. Human Love-- Sunday Girl
71. You'll Never Walk Alone-- Gerry and the Pacemakers
72. Down By the Water-- The Decemberists
73. Walking with Happiness-- The Best Pessimist
74. Tighten Up-- The Black Keys
75. Us-- Regina Spektor
76. A Drop in the Ocean-- Ron Pope
77. My Vagina is Eight Miles Wide-- Storm Large
78. Me Against the World-- Simple Plan
79. Nobody's Fault But Mine-- Beth Rowley
80. You are Loved-- Josh Groban
81. Cocaine-- Bebe
82. Love My Soul-- Cafe del Mar
83. I will Follow You into the Dark-- Death Cab for Cutie
84. Eyes Closed-- The Narrative
85. Bloom-- The Paper Kites
86. We Own the Sky-- M83
87. Pretty Face-- Soley
88. Fine By Me-- Andy Grammer
89. The Dreamer-- The Tallest Man on Earth
90. All of my Heart-- Sleeping with Sirens
91. Like a Man-- Adam Cohen
92. Cowboys and Angels-- Dustin Lynch
93. The Thunder Rolls-- Garth Brooks
94. Titanium-- David Guetta feat. Sia
95. Tomorrow Will Be Kinder-- The Secret Sisters
96. Every Morning-- Sugar Ray
97. Brass Bed-- Josh Gracin
98. I will Fade-- Archive
99. Paranoid Eyes-- Pink Floyd
100. January Wedding-- The Avett Brothers
101. I've Got This Friend-- The Civil Wars
102. I'd Rather Be With You-- Joshua Radin
103. We Fall Apart-- We as Human
104. Wagon Wheel-- Darius Rucker
105. Lead Me-- Sanctus Real
106. Broken Girl-- Matthew West
107. Feeling of Being-- Lucy Schwartz
108. Ramona-- Night Beds
109. Little Talks-- Of Monsters and Men
110. Ready or Not-- Bridgit Mendler
111. Dance with Me Tonight-- Olly Murs
112. Afterglow-- Wilkinson
113. Chocolate-- The 1975
114. Latch-- Disclosure feat. Sam Smith
115. Give Me Love-- Ed Sheeran
116. Headphones-- Matt Nathanson
117. Hearts on Fire-- Passenger
118. Me and My Broken Heart-- Rixton
119. R.I.P.-- Rita Ora feat. Tinie Tempeh
120. Mad World-- Jasmine Thompson
121. Mess is Mine-- Vance Joy
122. Sadnecessary-- Milky Chance
123. Take Me to Church-- Hozier
124. The Death of Me-- City and Colour
125. Oceans-- Seafret

Wisdom Teeth and the Fallacy of the "Elective Surgery"

Warning. Rant fueled by a soft food diet I'm so sick of that I've willingly succumbed to the Hangry.

-----

So about a year ago, my dentist remarked that my wisdom teeth should probably come out.
Nonsense, I thought. They didn't hurt and besides, my mom still has all of hers so I must be genetically fit for this pearly prudence procured post-puberty.

Alliteration aside, I was doing quite well until they started to hurt later that day. It was probably from all of the normal poking and prodding they do, but with the dentist's warning still swirling around my brain, I couldn't help but freak myself out.  What if they were rotting away inside mouth like some moldy living rock?  My cat had gone through this a few years before and my love for her was only dwarfed by the intensity of her rank breath.

Fears of dead teeth and cat breath aside, I ignored the dentist until the next check-up where, again, he warned me of decay and ominously stated, "Your wisdom teeth need to come out in the next six months."

It was like he had muttered an incantation, triggering the self-fulfilling prophecy.  Once again, my wisdom teeth began hurting after the visit and the pain lasted longer this time.

In a panic, I scheduled an appointment with the recommended surgical center and stewed in my fear-tinged resentment until the fated day came.
X-rays, a consultation, and then the surgeon walks in.
"Your teeth are all fully erupted. It should be an easy, 20 minute procedure.  They are stained which is often an indicator for future decay."
Stained. Stained. No matter my affection for red wine and dire need for coffee or their effect on my other teeth. Somehow the "stain" only matters on the wisdom teeth, which need to come out.

"But it's your choice. It's an elective procedure. Most people do it."
The last time I tried to use that logic, I was presented with the counterargument, "And if most people jumped off a bridge?"
To be fair, as long as there was a bungee cord or a trampoline at the end, the answer would probably be Hell Yeah.

I was IV sedated at 11:17, or so says my FitBit, and I looked at it again at 12:11, mostly lucid and resolutely determined NOT to make a complete fool of myself like those viral idiots with their mouth full of gauze. Instead I was going to be a dignified idiot, mouth full of gauze notwithstanding.

I slept and iced and slept and iced for a full 48 hours and, fortunately, the swelling remained minimal. But the pain. That needle-y pain of a dental hygienist poking your gum with her cruel instruments in the same spot endlessly, the impossible jaw exhaustion you thought you'd seen the last of after screaming all night at that Linkin Park concert when you were 21 (RIP Chester Bennington), the taste of blood in your mouth like freshly printed pennies.

And the suction. The suction from your cheeks against the sockets every time you want to click your tongue, clear the food away from the still sensitive area, or even swallow. That feeling that is not so much pain as discomfort as your body thinks, "Well...that's not normal."

I admit I was "informed" of the procedure's voluntary nature, but I nonetheless feel pressured into making my "decision" by my dentist and by the nurses who suggested I schedule the consultation immediately before the surgery. Will having my wisdom teeth out help me in the long run? Who knows? Sure it was kinda hard to get back there with a toothbrush, but I think they make special ones these days. I mean, it is 2018.

Moral of the story, listen to your body. My body didn't think it needed surgery and would've liked to have a bit more time to think about the options.

Sara Sucks at Fitness Update: New Year, New Perspective

well...

...that didn't go as planned.

On December 28th, with 3 days to go in my challenge, I quit.

There are excuses. I couldn't bend over to touch my toes because my quads and glutes hurt so much.
I had to stay up really late to cat up on some long over-due work one night and missed out on like 85 squats and the thought of catching them up was too daunting.
My body was tired and needed more than just 3 rest days that month, especially because I was doing the prescribed number of squats on top of all of my regular runs, core work outs, and Zumba Step (I love my instructor, but good LORD does she love her squat songs!).
Excuses, valid or no, are still excuses and I was so close that my failure feels like a punch to the gut.

But I need to walk away from it stronger, not weaker. I mean, hells bells. I just did 1700 squats in December.  I'm fairly certain that that's more squats than I'd ever done in my life.  I better have a gloriously strong behind.

More seriously, I need to walk away knowing that because I have come so close now, I can reach my goal in the future.
I need to know that integrating challenges into my daily routine will lead me to a more successful result in life as well as the gym.
I need to know that it's okay to share my progress with others because they'll cheer me on and give me the strength to push through to the finish when I think I'm too tired.
I need to know that, damn, I just did 1700 squats, and that's not nothing.

So happy 2018, folks and blokes. I'll be back at it again in no time.