According to
Myers-Briggs, StrengthsFinder, VisualDNA, and
Quizilla, I am an introvert. The classic response to this is, "So, you don't like people?" to which I reply, "Um....".
There really is no correct response to that question. Sometimes, I crave human interaction, conversation, intellection, and other times I would rather be by myself, eat a bowl of cookie dough ice cream, and read a book or watch a movie or write rant-y blog posts. So I've dedicated time to finding out what a true introvert is. Stereotypically, you are an introvert if you make up excuses to not hang out with people, if you'd rather have a good Friday night in, or if you prefer green over purple.
But so far, the best definition of introversion and extroversion I've found was from my own parents. They say, "The only real difference between introverts and extroverts is their chosen method of recovery. At the end of a long day, extroverts are more likely to restore their energy by hanging out with a group of people. Introverts are more likely to recover by spending their time by themselves." And to be honest, I like this definition. I love my friends, my family, and even social situations that require grace, skill, and intellect to navigate. But at the end of the day, I want to be alone to internalize, process, and reflect.
But I am in college and I live in my sorority house with 14 other women, not to mention my other sisters who can drop by any time between about 7 am and midnight (1 am on weekends), and as much as I love them, I am often frustrated that I don't get as much alone time as I'd like. Which brings me back to my original purpose: how to appear extroverted when you haven't had time to fully recover.
Never fear! Over-involved Sara is here! In a few easy steps, I will help your exhausted, introverted self fight your way minute by minute, day by day, through the drudgery of social and professional interaction until you can finally find some quality recovery time.
1) Drink caffeine. Lots of caffeine.
-- Caffeine is basically the legal version of adderall. It's kind of bad for you, but it will give you the energy you need to focus on the task at hand. The trick to using caffeine effectively is to start small. Get used to tea before you graduate to coffee. Dr. Pepper before Mountain Dew. Red bull before Monster. This way, you will still be affected by the caffeine and you won't build up a high tolerance too early in the game. Drink Responsibly.
2) Prepare for battle.
--Insert bizarre warrior metaphor here. Ladies, take 10 minutes before you leave and put on your war paint...I mean, make-up. That foundation lays the foundation of your day: smooth, resistant, enduring. Your cover-up? Camouflage in the jungle that is the office, classroom, etc. Mascara and/or eyeliner brightens your eyes so that you can effortlessly pretend to be paying attention to someone. Gentleman, your tie and blazer are your shining breast plate and chain mail. Make sure they're clean and unwrinkled and then your polished look will reflect the light of authority into the eyes of the competition, giving you the advantage.
3) Write things down.
-- Seems simple enough. When you write down what others are saying, you instantly appear reflective and introspective. This will also show your intellectual side for any potential romantic interests nearby.
4) Ask open-ended questions.
-- These types of questions require long, extensive answers. Even if you don't necessarily want to listen, you can at least avoid putting any actual effort into the conversation. Examples include: "What do you plan to do immediately following graduation?", "What sites to you expect to see on vacation?", "What makes the leaves change color?", and my personal favorite, "Why is it that, every time I talk to you, you seem irritated?"
BONUS: Try incorporating noncommittal words and phrases to draw out their answer. These are, "Really?", "Is that so?", "Why is that?", and "I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What did you say?"
5) Pre-plan your escape routes.
-- When you first walk into a room, what do you do? Do you notice all the people there and freak out? No! That'd be stupid. You find all the ways out of the room, notice where the clumps of chairs and tables are that you'll have to navigate around, look for the mail cart in the hall and map its route so that you can avoid it to minimize your escape time. You never know when someone will want to engage you in meaningful conversation and you'll have to whip out the "I have diarrhea" card and speed walk out of there.
6) Carry around snacks to share.
--They can't talk if they've got their mouths full. Plus, it's an easy way to earn brownie points with your friends or colleagues. (Get it? Brownie points? As in brownies? I'm so funny.)
7) When possible, avoid eye contact.
-- Eye contact establishes a connection with another person. No eye contact. No connection. Easily accomplished if you're "too busy" to establish eye contact by writing things down. See #3.
8) Construct, edit, and practice your sentences in your head.
-- This will help ensure that you can fit all of your points into one concise moment of speech, saving you from the effort of having to explain or elaborate later. The only downside to this is that sometimes a discussion will move quickly from point to point and so just when you've finally got down what you want to say, the group will have moved on to a completely different point and you've missed your chance.
9) Say "yes" to say "no".
-- By this, I mean commit yourself to projects and activities that you are passionate about so that you can fill your time enough to justify you saying no to going to your co-worker's boyfriend's dog's birthday party on Friday night. Unless there's cake, in which case it's up to you.
(Side note: You should always make time for cake. It was there for you when your ex broke up with you, when you graduated,when your grandma died, and when your best friend got married. You owe it big time.)
10) Say "No".
-- In all seriousness, social and professional interactions are exhausting. Instead of making jokes or excuses, sometimes you just need to say, "I'm sorry. I'm really tired. I just need to decompress by myself for a little while". And if your friends are your friends, they'll understand. If your boss or co-workers value you, they'll understand. I am a firm believer in one's obligation to complete a task they said they'd do and I hold myself to that same standard. But if I need some help or a deadline extension, I am not ashamed to ask. Then I finish whatever project I started and I say "no" to the next few until I feel like I've recovered enough to tackle the next challenge. And that's perfectly fine.
